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CONFESSIONS OF A CONFUSED AGNOSTIC

I am a Hindu.

This sounds really weird when the title has the word”agnostic” in it, doesn’t it? So, being an agnostic doesn’t mean that I am a Hindu? And even before judging what my religion is, let us first see what makes a person a Hindu or a Muslim or anybody else at the first place. Is it his birth? If I were born in a Muslim family, I would surely have been a Muslim. Is it that simple then? No, I don’t think so. So, does it come from practice? If I go to the Hanuman temple nearby every Tuesday, will that make me a Hindu or if my grandmother prays daily for an hour at home, does that make her a Hindu? Or being of a particular religion comes from the fact that how eagerly do you follow the norms of the religion? Or is it that how much you admire the God you follow or love Him? Or, is there any other criterion that I am missing? To me, it is all abstruse.

Well, if the points stated above don’t form the criteria to decide one’s religion, if not followed to some extent, they surely tell you that a person is not from that particular religion. So, I really don’t go to temples, and I really don’t sit and pray, and I really am not a devout God fearing person. The only consoling fact that gives me my religion is that I was born in a Hindu family, I have been to temples at times and I have prayed too at times. But still, it is hard to believe, that I am a Hindu. Why?

The answer probably lies in the fact that being a theist is probably in the state of mind, rather than the norms set up by the society, which get mutilated and obscured over the ages and have lost their relevance per se. How many Hindus wear the janevs and moli on their right wrists and walk into their offices with a prominent tilak over their foreheads? How many Muslims carry a mat to their offices and pray the stipulated number of times, facing the mecca? So, when is the next amavasya and when are the next navratras going to take place? My grandmother can answer that, but I can’t. Does that mean that I am not following my religion properly? Yes. Does that mean that I am not religious? No.

As the times have progressed, the way we look into God and approach the issues relating to religious practices have changed considerably. We, have somehow, managed to cling to the old practices, in bits and chunks, to which we adapt, and which we adapt according to our needs and conveniences. And then we say, yes, I am happy because I am religious and devout. So basically, we mutilate, manifest and improvise upon religion to suit our requirements, and think that we are performing the moral duties as expected by our religion. The religion now amounts to the various degrees of satisfaction derived by the mind. A Hindu going to temple daily is a Hindu. A Hindu praying once in a week is also a Hindu. A Hindu not praying at all, well…may also be a Hindu. Same goes for other religions, with their respective beliefs and norms.

So, am I an agnostic? To all and sundry, no. I don’t mind going to a temple. I don’t mind folding my hands or kneeling before the heavily ornate sculptures of Gods. But on asking again, to myself this time, am I an atheist? I would say, it all depends on the state of my mind. It is the mind and thoughts that hold a belief, norms are just a vestigial growth,that vanish and appear like ice ages on earth.

Comments

  1. confessions are nothing but true acknowledgement of what you are, whether you like it or not. It is not the facade you put forth generally to the world...but a naked you, the real you. So, it indeed is hard work...and as I think of it...or rather would like to think of it, I am a non-conformist at the edge of being an atheist...because over the years I have begun to think..does it all really matter????

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  2. Hi himanshu u touched my heart i also think that why anyone ask for religion, if India is a secular country then Why in each Admission form or anywhere in India we have to fill about our religion.We should not be Hindu,Muslim,Sikh etc we should be a human first Indian first.
    It might have possible that we have taken wrong meaning of religion bez when we saw towards each religion then only one think come to our mind that each religion tauht us a lession of peace and humanity.
    This could be our ego which put us in back foot instead so much development.
    I am sorry if my language heart you and please pardon for my mistakes.Keep writing i will go through it.

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